Genre pas didé... xD

Cochran:
Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote "Stinky Britches" ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!

Gerald Broflovski:
Damn it!

Chef:
What?

Gerald:
He's using the Chewbacca defense!

Chef:
Uh-oh.

Cochran:
Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, [approaches and softens] does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEAC HER:John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEA CHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
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TEACH ER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn't punish him?!
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

-Chuck Norris a déjà compté jusqu'à l'infini. Deux fois.

-Certaines personnes portent un pyjama Superman. Superman porte un pyjama Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris ne se mouille pas, c'est l'eau qui se Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris donne fréquemment du sang à la Croix-Rouge. Mais jamais le sien.

-Jesus Christ est né en 1940 avant Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris ne porte pas de montre. Il décide de l'heure qu'il est.

-Chuck Norris peut diviser par zéro.

-Chuck Norris peut gagner une partie de puissance 4 en trois coups.

-Dieu a dit: que la lumiere soit! et Chuck Norris répondit : On dit s'il vous plait.

-Google, c'est le seul endroit où tu peux taper Chuck Norris...

-La seule chose qui arrive à la cheville de Chuck Norris... c'est sa chaussette.

-Quand Google ne trouve pas quelque chose, il demande à Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris et superman on fait un bras de fer, le perdant devait mettre son slip par dessus son pantalon.

-Chuck Norris sait parler le braille.

-Pour certains hommes le testicule gauche est plus large que le testicule droit, chez Chuck Norris, chaque testicule est plus large que l'autre.

-Il n'y a pas de théorie de l'évolution. Juste une liste d'espèces que Chuck Norris autorise à survivre.

-Chuck Norris joue à la roulette russe avec un chargeur plein.

-Chuck Norris a un jour avalé un paquet entier de somnifères. Il a cligné des yeux.

-Chuck Norris a déjà été sur Mars, c'est pour cela qu'il n'y a pas de signes de vie là bas.

-Dans une pièce normale, il y a en moyenne 1242 objets avec lesquels Chuck Norris peut vous tuer, en incluant la pièce elle même.

-Si Chuck Norris avait été pris dans le film "300" il l'aurait renommé en "1".

-Chuck Norris mesure son pouls sur l'échelle de Richter.

-Chuck Norris connait la dernière décimale de Pi.

-Chuck Norris peut encercler ses ennemis. Tout seul.

-Quand Chuck Norris pisse face au vent, le vent change de direction.

-Chuck Norris peut t'étrangler avec un téléphone sans fil.

-Quand la tartine de Chuck Norris tombe, la confiture change de côté.

-Chuck peut taguer le mur du son

-Quand John est énervé il devient Master Chief...quand Master Chief est énervé il devient Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris peut claquer une porte fermée...

-Chuck Norris n'utilise pas de suppositoire. Les voies du seigneur sont impénétrables.

-Chuck Norris est capable de laisser un message avant le bip sonore.

-Chuck Norris peut te faire passer un sale quart d'heure en 8 minutes.

-Jésus a marché sur l'eau, mais Chuck Norris a marché sur Jésus.

-Chuck Norris ne croit pas en Dieu, mais Dieu croit en Chuck Norris.

-Une larme de Chuck Norris peut guérir du cancer, malheureusement Chuck Norris ne pleure pas.

-J.C.Van Damme casse des noix entre ses fesses. Chuck Norris Casse J.C.Van Damme de le même façon.

-Un aigle peut lire un journal à 1400 mètres de distance. Chuck Norris peut tourner la page à 1400 mètres de distance.

-Chuck Norris est mort depuis 10 ans, mais la Mort n'a pas encore trouvé le courage d'aller lui dire.

-La mer morte ne l'était pas avant de connaître Chuck Norris.

-Si Chuck Norris dort avec une lampe allumée, ce n'est pas parce qu'il a peur du noir mais parce que le noir a peur de lui.

-Un film de Bruce Lee montre Chuck Norris se faire battre par Bruce Lee. C'est là l'effet spécial le plus cher de toute l'histoire du cinéma.

-Un jour Chuck Norris a dit "Va voir la-bas si j'y suis" ....et il y était...

-En France, on dit aux enfants que s'ils ne veulent pas manger, le grand méchant loup les bouffera tout crus. Aux Etats-Unis, c'est de Chuck Norris qu'on leur parle. C'est pour ça qu'il y a tant d'obèses.

-Maitre Yoda a perdu la vie le jour où il a appelé Chuck Norris "Norris Chuck".

-Des gamins pissent dans la neige pour écrire leur nom. Chuck Norris le fait dans le béton armé.

-Jésus a dit "lève-toi et marche" à Chuck Norris. Depuis, on a plus de nouvelles de Jésus.

-Chuck Norris va régulièrement voir des matchs du PSG pour ne pas oublier ce qu'est la défaite.

-Chuck Norris sera déclaré recordman du lancer du poids le jour où le poids retombera.

-Le cavalier sans tête est le seul imbécile à avoir joué à "tu me tiens par la barbichette" avec chuck norris

-Le 9 novembre 1989 Chuck Norris a voulu aller s'approvisionner en Vodka dans Berlin Est. Il a rencontré un mur... la suite appartient à l'Histoire.

-Bill Gates vit dans la terreur permanente du plantage du PC de Chuck Norris.

"There's No Difference Between Me And Everyone Else. All It Takes Is One Bad Day To Reduce The Sanest Man To Lunacy. That's How Far The World Is From Where I Am. Just One Bad Day."
-

Batman"You're Insane."

Joker"Has It Really Taken You This Long To Notice?"
-

You Know How I Get These Scars ?
-

Why... Why So Serious ? HAHAHAHA....
-

I Believe Whatever Doesn't Kill You Simply Makes You... Stranger.
-

See, I'm A Man Of Simple Tastes. I Like Gunpowder...And Dynamite...And Gasoline! Do You Know What All Of These Things Have In Common? They're Cheap!
-

It's A Schemer Who Put You Where You Are. You Were A Schemer. You Had Plans. Look Where It Got You. I Just Did What I Do Best-I Took Your Plan And Turned It On Itself. Look What I Have Done To This City With A Few Drums Of Gas And A Couple Bullets. Nobody Panics When The Expected People Get Killed. Nobody Panics When Things Go According To Plan, Even If The Plans Are Horrifying. If I Tell The Press That Tomorrow A Gangbanger Will Get Shot, Or A Truckload Of Soldiers Will Get Blown Up, Nobody Panics. But When I Say One Little Old Mayor Will Die, Everyone Loses Their Minds! Introduce A Little Anarchy, You Upset The Established Order, And Everything Becomes Chaos. I Am An Agent Of Chaos. And You Know The Thing About Chaos, Harvey? It's Fair.
-

Mobster: You Think You Could Just Steal From Us And Walk Away?

Joker: Yeah
-

"Some Men Cant Be Bought, Bullied, Reasoned Or Negotiated With. Some Men Just Wanna Watch The World Burn.
-

Lets Put A Smile On That Face HAHAHAHA...
-

You'll See, I'll Show You, That When The Chips Are Down, These Uh... Civilized People, They'll Eat Each Other. You See, I'm Not A Monster. I'm Just Ahead Of The Curve.
-

Geez. What A Bunch Of Freaks I Think Im Going To Fit In Just Fine. HAHAHAHA...
-

Here's My Card
-

That Was Funny, Wasn't It ??
-

See For Them Your Just A Freak... Like Me
-

"I Did It! I Finally Killed Batman! In Front Of A Bunch Of Vulnerable, Disabled Kids!!!! Now Get Me Santa Claus!"
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I Use A Knife Because Guns Are Too Quick. Otherwise, You Can't Savor All The Emotions. You Know Who People Are In Their Last Moments.
-

Batman: Then Why Do You Want To Kill Me?
The Joker: HAHAHA I Don't Want To Kill You! What Would I Do Without You? Go Back To Ripping Off Mob Dealers? No, No, You... You Complete Me.
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It's Not About Money... It's About Sending A Message. Everything Burns! HAHAHAHAHA...
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The Joker: [Speaking To Batman] I Wanted To See What You'd Do. And You Didn't Disappoint... You Let Five People Die. Then, You Let Dent Take Your Place. Even To A Guy Like Me, That's Cold...
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The Joker: I Have Given A Name To My Pain, And It Is Batman
-

The Joker: Gotham City. Always Brings A Smile To My Face.
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Batman: What Do You Want?
The Joker: My Face On The One Dollar Bill.
Batman: You Must Be Joking.
The Joker: Do I Look Like I'm Joking?

These Machines Feed On The Tears Of Broken Lives And Dying Dreams
We're Throwing Wrenches In The Gears
Our Lives Will Not Be Lived In Vain - Rise Against